Obama sending tennis shoes to Syria, no boots

President Obama announced a major evolution in foreign policy this morning from the Rose Garden. Avoiding a clash with anti-war groups, none of which could be found for a comment, the president announced that he was sending, “boxes and boxes of tennis shoes,” into Syria. In addition, those sneakers are to be worn by U.S. soldiers.

My fellow Americans, I’m proud to announce, after heavy negotiations, the U.S. military has reached an agreement with the folks at Converse and Nike. There will be, and hear me, absolutely no boots on the ground in Syria. Did I make that clear? Our soldiers will simply be advising a select number of highly vetted moderate rebels on sick basketball moves they’ve learned in training camp over the summer.

Top White House advisers told us this public announcement became necessary because of a highly edited video released by Russia Today showing President Obama and top officials promising, “no boots on the ground,” in Syria. That video has since been banned from U.S. media, but still can be viewed on the internets:

There was one question from a journalist following the president’s speech, asking about potential awkward encounters with boot-wearing Russian troops. The president smiled and replied to applause, “You can’t bring boots to a basketball game. We’re gonna dance all over those Russians.”