Pres Obama Announces Biggest Baddest Government Ever!

The following paragraphs, just released from President Obama’s State of the Union address, probably contain the highest density of big government worship packed within such a short amount of text. Second only to Bush Sr.’s New World Order SOTU. Let me break this down…

World Poverty? Solved with your money, printing press and $9 minimum wage.

Hackers are invading your privacy? I need power to stop them. I just granted myself that power anyway…You trust me, right?

I’m going to move ahead with a Trans-Pacific Partnership so I can negotiate with people who sound like Piers Morgan rather than you hicks.

You can watch archived video of Sen. Paul’s response to the SOTU here.

America must also face the rapidly growing threat from cyber-attacks. We know hackers steal people’s identities and infiltrate private e-mail. We know foreign countries and companies swipe our corporate secrets. Now our enemies are also seeking the ability to sabotage our power grid, our financial institutions, and our air traffic control systems. We cannot look back years from now and wonder why we did nothing in the face of real threats to our security and our economy.

That’s why, earlier today, I signed a new executive order that will strengthen our cyber defenses by increasing information sharing, and developing standards to protect our national security, our jobs, and our privacy. Now, Congress must act as well, by passing legislation to give our government a greater capacity to secure our networks and deter attacks.

Even as we protect our people, we should remember that today’s world presents not only dangers, but opportunities. To boost American exports, support American jobs, and level the playing field in the growing markets of Asia, we intend to complete negotiations on a Trans-Pacific Partnership. And tonight, I am announcing that we will launch talks on a comprehensive Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership with the European Union – because trade that is free and fair across the Atlantic supports millions of good-paying American jobs.

We also know that progress in the most impoverished parts of our world enriches us all. In many places, people live on little more than a dollar a day. So the United States will join with our allies to eradicate such extreme poverty in the next two decades: by connecting more people to the global economy and empowering women; by giving our young and brightest minds new opportunities to serve and helping communities to feed, power, and educate themselves; by saving the world’s children from preventable deaths; and by realizing the promise of an AIDS-free generation.

Above all, America must remain a beacon to all who seek freedom during this period of historic change…


I’ll attempt a translation: ‘Hackers are scary and violating your privacy and because the federal government is so trustworthy–and respectful of privacy to boot, you need to pass more laws to empower us to protect you from your electricity being cut off by a cyber-attack. Actually, I already passed an executive order to give myself the power, but passing some laws will make this look better–and you won’t feel guilty after the next cyber-attack for doing nothing…’ Next, I am about to complete a Trans-Pacific Partnership so I won’t need to hear any criticisms from you congress hicks and can deal mostly with people who sound like Piers Morgan. Finally, some people in the world are making a dollar a day. With your money and some help from a printing press, I can solve that and AIDS and equality for women…uh, city on a hill, beacon of light!’

Latest Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *